purpose and meaning (or a lack thereof)
I found myself looking forward to Mondays recently. Mainly because new House of the Dragon episodes are available for streaming after 9am.
It might seem trivial, a television show about dragons. But it is not, as it seems to be the only thing worth looking forward to in the days that are before me.
My spirit is restless, my mind stormy. My heart is uncertain as to the future that I will have in this turbulent time of lack. My own lack. The worlds's lack.
Wars. Technology transforming work as we know it. The cost of living so exorbitant that even my middle class ass struggles with.
Existentially? My own aging.
I find myself looking back on the 2010s, where I was in my 20s and was hopeful for the future. I had held dreams about my own apartment. A sum in my accounts that would ease my worry of coming to financial ruin.
And yet, none of this has come to pass. I am as confused and lost as I was. Even if I do have the experience of dealing with the lack of direction.
I struggle to find purpose, meaning.
I hide in fictitious worlds. In the stories of magic and adventure. Where the stakes are high and I didn't have to worry about retirement. I bury myself and live in the minds heroes and heroines who are able to be stout of heart and certain of their life's purpose. I have none of that.
I know not of what tomorrow brings. It is my wish that the gods, the universe, to guide me in my path. For I know that stories will not feed the stomach or calm wars.