giving Colleen Hoover another chance - A RANT
If there is one thing positive I can say about Colleen Hoover's Woman Down, it is that it is so easy to read. It is told in such simplistic language. Which is always good, unless...
Unless your story is so shitty. I don't even want to talk about how the prose feels like just screen directions in a script. Supposedly an"erotic suspense", excuse me CH is the suspense in the room with us?
SPOILERS DO NOT READ FURTHER
Scorned author cough self insert cough, Petra Rose, got backlash after some drama when her previous book got adapted into a movie. Petra is deliberately written so you can be like OMG SHE IS A VICTIM. Anyway, she goes to a lake cabin to write. She is writing a novel about a woman who is seeing a married cop and Petra has writer's block. She claims she needs to write what she knows hence talks about how she would love to actually experience a romance like this. She says it on a podcast with her best friend Nora. She is at the lake house and one night this policeman knocks on her door, named NATHANIEL SAINT. She is attracted to him etc etc
BOOK PROBLEMS
- The names are stupid as fuck
- No logic. Sudden instant- lust for no reason.
- Third time they spend together and she feels "seen" for the first time in her life
- Saint (yes that is his nickname) abducts her, HURTS her, and ends up convincing her she asked for this for THE NOVEL
- She lets him stay and they fuck after this ASSAULT incident ????
- someone Saint knows to say all the right things that Petra needs to say
TWIST - but not really because you can tell the signs from the START of the book
- Saint is not a policeman, he is a screenwriter from LA
- (not really a twist tbh) Petra Rose is married, has two kids with husband named SHEPHERD????
- The lady who rents the house to her is in cahoots with Saint, who paid her off to make Petra thinks that he is a actual cop
- NORA, her supposed best friend, is the one who arranged this whole thing with SAINT ????!!!!
Sorry but the whole twist seem like not a twist because the signs are there in the first 30 pages.
ok more serious problems
- characters have no depth
- prose feels like asking someone to describe a book using their own words
- I am sure it isn't written by AI but the dialogue is so generic, especially the ones where they are supposedly soul sharing, it feels like AI. NOT ACCUSING AI because AI works on logic. This book has none
- the whole alter-ego Cam and Reya thing felt so convenient and is used for no reason while they fuck
- everyone feels boilerplate, even the main characters.
The sex is BORING
- how uninspiring are the sex scenes?
- oh wow SAINT has a big penis ??? yay?
- oh wow Petra fucks her husband while SAINT is standing at their window like a fucking creeper??????
I read this book in like 4 hours and I could do this because there was nothing about the prose that needed me to think about.
my summary of the book above is basically the book. you would not get anything else from the book.
edit: one of my more trusted book content creators go through the whole book so you dont have to. they are hilarious
As Ever, Me